How Do I Meet People at the Social?

Question: My partner and I are new to swinging, and we don't seem to have much luck with it.  We're told that both of us are attractive, fit and in our early thirties.  Yet when we go to a party, a club or a social, we end up by ourselves.  We are a little shy, but still, this is very discouraging.  What should we do?

Answer: You answered your own question by how you asked it: You describe yourselves as 'shy,' as in you don't initiate conversations; you wait for people to come to you.  This is why you are discouraged and also why you don't 'have much luck with it.'

What you are going to have to do is one of two things: Get out of your comfort zone and initiate conversation, or wait for people to come to you. 

When people come to a social event, and they know several other couples there, they tend to talk with the people they know.  The people who don't know anyone there often find themselves shut out and often say that a social, a club or even a party is 'cliquish.'  Thus the social event isn't a group of cliques, it's just that people tend to talk to the people they know.

It's your life, and it's your choice.  Since you asked, I'll tell it like it is: The best remedy is to do the thing you fear the most (Gasp!).  Stick out you hand and start meeting people.  As a newcomer, this can be frightening, but you will have a much better time when you see the warm response of people to your initiative.  People respect people with guts.  Courage isn't the absence of fear; it is doing something in spite of fear.  If you choose to remain a wallflower and wait for people to come to you, you will have success, but it will take longer.  A lot longer.  Cut the learning curve by arriving early and greeting everyone who comes to the social event.  Show a genuine interest in other people.  Encourage them to talk about their favorite subject – themselves – and they will happily chat the night away with you.